Every year the Oscar show leaves me wondering why, again, they forgot to ask me how to make it better (lol). Of course, I realize the show’s structure for this year is locked in at this point, but in the interest of spitting into the wind one more time, here are my suggestions for a better show in the future.

Bring down the number of Best Picture nominations to five. Keep focused. You can do this if you try.

Start earlier in the evening. Not every viewer lives on the West Coast—you know that, right? If you do that, everyone who hasn’t eaten in three weeks can get their coveted meal a little sooner.

If someone attacks the MC or a presenter on stage during the show, for heaven’s sake, take them out immediately.

For heaven’s sake, move up the ceremony to earlier in the year. Having it in March is just too late. If the idea that having it come last in the awards lineup makes it a kind of culmination, it also puts it dangerously close to “how cares?” territory.

Keep the opening number/presentation. Whatever Bob Hope, Johnny Carson, or Billy Crystal did, study their openings and see what they did that succeeded. It’s OK to bring in a genuine comedian, but don’t alienate half the country just as things get started.

Please, please, please keep the stupid banter to a minimum. The exchanges, with the exceptions of Tina Fey and Amy Poehler, are insipid. A single great comic might work for a moment, but the duos are generally painful and embarrassing. Just have the two presenters show respect for one another and get on with the award. Have some dignity.

Keep the film clips. Do even more of them. People love them, and they are generally the best thing in the telecast.

The now-infamous 2024 In Memoriam number

The “In Memoriam” number. Love that every year. But…do your homework and anticipate who might be omitted. And please, don’t make this a live vocal performance. The focus should be on the folks who passed, not the wonderful singer looking up at the screen occasionally. I am a singer and love beautiful voices, but a talented performance is distracting and disrespectful here, no matter how lovely the lighting.

Consider more historical footage to highlight the history of the Oscars, especially since the 100^th is coming up soon. Consider giving a posthumous Oscar to one of the many worthy ones.

Sorry, Diane Warren. This isn’t going to be your year either!

The show producers would never go for this, but the five nominated songs should be combined into an energetic and/or tasteful musical mélange (as I’ve said for years). I hate to break it to those putting the show together, but most people aren’t being drawn to the show to see famous performers. Maybe that worked yesterday, but it really won’t affect you future audiences that much. If you want to save time and money, and get on with things, drop the “we must present all five songs” idea. We’re way past that time.

Maybe this doesn’t need to be mentioned, but never, ever, ever leave an acting presentation to the end of the show. We know, in spite of all the denials, that you were hoping for that Chadwick Boseman win to wring tears and end on that high and sad note. Embarrassing and awkward. Stick to the program.

Winners: Tell your friends in advance that you won’t hugging them and five others on the way to the podium. That’s why I record the show partway through and turn it on at the end of the first hour. Way too much time taken here.

“To Dream the Impossible Dream”: Dear Every Nominee—you might actually win, so prepare something—anything. Make it meaningful and if possible, witty as well. Try to keep things focused and short. (Can the academy make it a rule not to mention more than 27 names of producers, friends, agents, etc. that helped you get to your win?) How about limiting mentions to just a few folks? Maybe that could be the start of a trend. (I can dream, can’t I?)

Winners, two other things: One, you are going to have your speech on replay for the rest of time. Don’t you want to make something we can all connect with, not just now, but years from now? I know you’re excited and in the moment, but note that the most memorable thank you speeches didn’t mention all those names.

Two, remembering that your speech is going to be there forever, drop the political speeches, especially the jabs. They don’t play well now, and they will play even worse over time. It comes off as virtue-signaling when the rest of America is stick of that, and worse for you, you come off as an arrogant and ignorant know-it-all. With many of the folks in the room, you all may enjoy the noise of the echo chamber, but that noise cuts out at midnight. Don’t embarrass yourself; your sharp comments become dull and stale as yesterday’s bread.

OK, one more thing: There is a lot of insufferable inbreeding on display. Remember that most folks don’t know the big stars personally or have your intimate connection with them. I get that half the applause coming from the audience is really about celebrating themselves rather than the winners. (I imagine that physical therapists and chiropractors are always busy the day after the ceremony with so many folks patting themselves on the back.) Try to occasionally recall that your tight relationships and in-jokes can be alienating to a good portion of your audience. There is a big audience out there, remember?

Create a Hall of Fame and have fun with the entries year after year.

Just a thought: The Academy was originally aimed at promoting and celebrating American and English-speaking films. I’m not being xenophobic here, but the Academy doesn’t yet have a handle on where things are going with celebrating international cinema. It’s not a major problem now, and it will be hell to pay to pull back even an inch. But we’re getting closer to facing that issue.