I’m taking actual time to suggest that you say yourself nearly two hours and skip Mayday, the latest Amazon offering that went right to streaming. I could write a great deal about how it should be called Meh-day, or simply “m’aider!”, the French expression that gave rise to our English version of the famous distress call that means “help me!”.

But it isn’t worth it. Ryan Reynolds as a Navy pilot is a stretch to begin with (and a situation that gave rise to far too many Top Gun references, but when he is shot down and his parachute doesn’t work, he ends up falling through a “life-saving tree,” which would have killed anyone else.

He ends up meeting an ex-KGB officer that he doesn’t kill him but helps him and eventually befriends him. Plot-wise, that’s pretty much it. Ex-KGB’ers can be nice too, the film suggests.

Reynolds give us nothing new, just warmed over snark with some occasionally humorous lines. The great Shakespearean supporter actor/writer/director Kenneth Branagh give us a Russian accent that rivals Dick Van Dyke’s attempts at a Cockney accent in Mary Poppins. Consider his work with other actors and directors: Nominated for Best Director and Actor in 1989’s Henry V, nominated for Best Life Action Short Film for Swan Song, nominated for Best Adapted Screenplay for 1996’s Hamlet, nominated for Best Supporting Actor for My Week with Marilyn, and nominated for Best Picture, Best Director, and Best Original Screenplay for 2021’s Belfast, finally winning in that last category. There are untold numbers of other awards, plus a great deal of respect for his more meaningful work. I’m not sure which is worse here, his accent or his extremely unbelievable fight scenes, where his long-hidden fighting skills are supposed be getting a new expression in helping Reynolds live. I know he is moving away from Shakespeare into more popular far, but this is unfortunately a new low.

Of course, they form a close bond as Cold War enemies do in situations like this, but as much as Branagh’s character loves America, the film ends up as something of a love letter to one of our greatest current emeries, and the end is a scene of genuine but surprising rebuke. Plus, the film is called Mayday, which is their “Day of Spring and Labor,” basically a celebration akin to our Fourth of July. So, what is this film trying to do or say?

If you’re in the mood to not care if a film holds together, and if Reynolds makes you laugh with this usual shtick, and you don’t mind the cartoon action and fighting scenes, then it’s probably worth a look. If so, just put your expectometer on its lowest setting and there might be a few moments of entertainment mixed in.